So when I first heard about the Metrodome Sex Bandits, my initial thoughts were "eh, so what?", and also, "judge not, etc.", and also, "note to self: attempt college football game bathroom coup ...
Update on Metrodome bathroom fun. Thread starter cwhawk; ... Sex at Metrodome . N. NC_Hawk HR Heisman. Sep 6, 2001 6,333 1 36. Nov 26, 2008 #430 Drudge: That dude has the absolute worst website (visually) ever constructed. My brain cramps up every time I click a link to that homo's site.
According to a police report, a Metrodome security officer saw two people having sex in a handicapped stall after noticing two sets of feet with underwear dropped to the ground.Estimated Reading Time: 2 mins
A year after sex-in-the-Metrodome incident, a small Iowa town would like to forget. Shoppers cross Adams Street in the downtown district of Carroll, Iowa, on November 13, 2009. One year ago, Lois ...Estimated Reading Time: 7 mins
A couple of University of Iowa fans took a break from Saturday’s game at the Metrodome against the University of Minnesota to have some illicit sex in a Dome restroom, police said.Estimated Reading Time: 1 min
Time for another edition of Waxing Off, the feature born of that venerable site The Black Table and carried over here and given a sporty new coat of paint. This week we've asked five talented female writers to ruminate on: Lois Feldman and the Iowa Hawkeye Metrodome Sexcapade. Let's get right to the steamy girl-on-girl writing action, shall we? Oh, by the way, if you would like to be a member of the Waxing Off writing staff, please email me a Rick Deadspin. Unknot your panties, internet. Uproariously inappropriate sexual encounters are an integral part of the college football experience. And so it is in the spirit of the holidays, the close of the season, and cross-conference fellowship that I extend the following cocktail recipe to our brethren in the Big Ten. Whether you're looking to recreate this encounter in the confines of your own home or drawing up drankin' plans for your bowl game, this little concoction will get you more than halfway down your designated highway to hell, if it doesn't kill you outright. Perfect for life on-the-go. Enjoy booming bass and crystal clear treble. Fill a pint glass with ice. Add vodka, and just enough Hypnotiq to turn the drink blue. Wedge a full can of Red Bull upside down in the ice, and serve with a straw and copious admonitions not to dislodge the can. The effects of consuming a full glass of vodka chased with a full can of Red Bull are most readily compared to Super Mario in the throes of an invincibility star. Those sparkles on your skin? Totally real. Go right ahead and run through that door, gentle reader, whether it's open or not. Trust me, you won't feel a thing. Bottoms up, Hawkeyes. And don't forget to check her tramp stamp while you're down there—the skank you screw may not be your own. You were wasted at a sporting event. It happens. Granted you're old, married, and very slutty, but still. So in the giving spirit of the holiday season, I've compiled a short list of mistakes you made. Print this shit out and put it on your refrigerator next to your kid's handprint. Though I hope you learned your lesson, I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll probably need this for future reference. Here we go …. You failed to remove your beer goggles. When getting caught for public, irresponsible sex, it's better to have gotten it on with anybody but that fugly guy who looks like a less-hot version of the troll under the bridge. You chose a bathroom as your preferred love den. A men's bathroom. While I'm going to go ahead and ignore all the venereal diseases you risked, it must be mentioned that closets are a wiser choice for this activity. You drank too much wine. This may seem obvious, but it's a key point that is often overlooked. Also, this choice of alcoholic beverage is stereotypical of women your age, which makes you seem both predictable and sad. You talked to the Des Moines Register about it. Despite what you may have thought, this decision does not make you appear victimized, just desperate. You're gross. Stop it. Really, Lois, you're embarrassing women everywhere. You're welcome. Have a great holiday and please, for everyone's sake, stay the fuck away from the eggnog. Sex in a bathroom stall. Sex with a complete stranger. Sex during a football game. Sex while you're so drunk you can't even remember it. I think I can safely speak for all women in this country when I say the above are indeed the sole answers to the question, "What do women want? It really is that simple.